Daydreaming
by cutiedestroyer
Summary: After keeping a late night relationship with Tashigi, Smoker realize that she was right about them not being meant to be, but still he needs her as much as she needs him, even if she won't say it. If you don't get something, please read Nightmare and Dream About me! Rated M for chapter 2


The room was completely empty, she and her sword weren't in the bed like he supposed they would be.  
Entering Tashigi's room through the window was a late night hobbie he had since a few months ago, a year maybe. A few times a week he would appear in her room to silently make love to her, sometimes not so silently, and every time he reassembled his body next to her desk he found her lying in the bed sleeping silently with a small pile of reports next to her in the pillow, an of course, Shigure resting next to her. This time she wasn't there, neither her sword nor the reports in the pillow. He became smoke once more and flew through the almost too small window to search for her across the ship.  
He found her in the deck, practicing with her sword and a very scared crew mate. He let his body appear behind her and, as his face appeared to complete his body he said to the marine:  
- Go rest, I'll train with Lieutenant Tashigi. - She turned around and opened her mouth to say something, but the marine had already left. He sat in the chair the crew had put for him in the deck, next to Tashigi's own chair and a small table with a den den mushi.  
- Why are you training at this time? - he asked as exhaled his cigars' smoke. She sat on her chair next to him.  
- I wanted to try a technique I read about - she buttoned her jacket, they just left a winter island and were approaching Marine HQ, the weather was incredibly unstable  
- I come from your room...- He spoke to the night sky. A few months ago, he wouldn't say that, but now he could speak like that without her blushing or starting a fight between them.  
- Oh, yeah - she answered in the same way he spoke. Both of them remained quiet for a few minutes.

Smoker knew she enjoyed the silence at night, specially when she was on the deck, and she knew Smoker didn't like to held hands for a long time, she learned about it the awkward way. A lot had happened since their first night together. To Smoker's disgust, Tashigi was right about them having discussions about their intimacy during battles (it happened only once but Smoker couldn't forget the shame) and vice verse. Once Tashigi stopped his hands from touching her until she finished writing a report, Smoker hated it so much that he left the room and didn't came back until two hours passed.  
Many times they interrupted their lovemaking to answer the den den mushi, or to run to help a crew mate. For that reason Smoker was always half dressed, while she kept her clothes under her pillow.  
The worst part for both of them was the guilt. In her bedroom they acted like two lovers, Smoker was actually proud of this. He was really worried about the situation ending like his previous situation with Hina, with both of them acting like a married couple and arguing about every little thing, but for some reason Tashigi was comfortable with him, she always talked about her worries (the log pose, the pirates, the needs of the crew) before or after him covering her with his body. Since their relationship was really simple, there was no uncomfortable moments once he entered her room through the window, but once he left the room, many times the morning after, both of them sat in their beds with their eyes wandering across the air thinking about what just happened. This was even worst since Tashigi started to kiss him before he left. Many times they made love in the morning, half sleep and as fast as they could so the crew won't notice, but once he was already standing next to the window ready to leave it was over. Since the day she decided to took him by the neck, while he sat on the bed to put his boots on, and kiss him softly...he just needed ten minutes to think about what he did.  
Smoker broke the silence.  
- It's getting late, we should go...- he said as he noticed some papers in the table, next to the den den mushi. He moved a small stone that kept the papers from being blown away, it was a report about Portgas D. Ace from the day before. - You been reading this?  
- Yes - she answered in a worried voice, Smoker put the papers back on the table. - We are getting close to Marine HQ, right?  
- We are - he lit another cigar - What's the matter?  
- Oh, nothing - she got up from her chair and looked at him - I'm going to sleep, shall I leave the window open? - she asked in an annoyed voice.  
- That would be fine - he answered noticing her expression. He let her go by herself as he looked at the marines that started their watch shift. Slowly he got up and walked to his room, once he entered he locked the door, took off his jacket and threw it on the bed as he walked to the window, he became a moving cloud incredibly fast. He traveled from outside the ship to her room, he entered and reassembled his body next to her desk as usual. She was sitting in the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but a big shirt that she took from Smoker's room_ "I never use that, you keep it"_ he said the night he noticed that she took it. He sat next to her and started to take off his boots, this was the first thing to do before even touch her, she hated to see him with his boots in the bed. Once he finished, he took her in his arms and let her rest her head in his legs, he knew her mind wasn't calm.  
- What's the matter? - he asked as he did in the deck.  
- Nothing - she answered with her eyes fixated on her desk, she was incredibly distracted. He took her glasses off and put them in the night stand as he caressed her neck slowly with his always rough touch. - It's...  
- Yes? - he mumbled as he tried to see what's was in her desk that was so interesting, he didn't found anything but the Roronoa Zoro's wanted poster that he hated to see while he was in bed with her.  
- It's...just I'm not in the mood for anything...is it alright? - she asked with shivering voice.  
- Oh, yes - _"what's wrong"_ some nights they just slept together, but this time something was wrong with her - Do you want me to leave?  
- You can stay - she never asked him directly to stay the nights they would only sleep, since they usually talked and talked until she fell sleep on top of him or they were just absolutely tired. She shifted to face him - So, after going to Marine HQ we're going to the new world, right? - her voice was shy, after finishing the sentence she cleared her throat.  
- Yeah, that's the idea - he took her in his arms and moved her along with him to the middle of the bed, her head still in his lap. - But I guess it depends on what happens with us once Whitebeard makes his move. Is that what you're worried about? - he rested his head on the wall, watching her feet resting on her pillow.  
- I guess...- she sighed.  
- Also, we might not get permission to go to the New World - he added, with his hand running through her hair.  
- Knowing you, if we don't have permission to go, we'll go anyway - she looked at him while saying this, her sad expression was leaving her face. He grinned at her.  
- Damn right. - he leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips, this was an unusual pleasure for them. Since Smoker found the kisses to be more intimate than what they actually did, he didn't kiss her very much when he wasn't inside her. When he came back to his former position he added - we just need to get higher ranks, and we'll get more freedom to apply justice. He rested his back on the bed and pulled her to his side, slowly she put an arm around his chest and fell asleep, so did him.  
He woke up suddenly when he felt a hand moving around his waist, he looked at her from the corner of his eye and found her sleeping and moving while frowning _"a bad dream?"_. He tried not to move an inch, he only moved his arm to hold her tighter against his body. When he did this, the small hand moved in slow motion to his belt and pulled until it could slip inside his pants. Smoker's body was still sleeping while his brain was awakening little by little, he could feel her hand moving around his half aroused member and resting on top of it, following his instincts he moved away while pushing her to capture her back against his chest. He held her tightly for the rest of the night, he only moved to pull the covers above them knowing that she would sleep better like this.

If he had known that was the last time that he would hold her against his chest like that in a long, long time, he would've stayed awake the whole night watching her calm expression since he wouldn't be able to see this expression in a long, long time either.

The peace in Tashigi's room was interrupted suddenly by the familiar sound of a cannon ball hitting their ship somewhere near Smoker's room. Both of them jumped from the bed, Smoker flew through the window like a smoke cloud as Tashigi dressed in a hurry. When Smoker assembled his body in the deck he found two of his men lying in the floor, a cold look in their faces _"Fine"_, just by passing by them he knew they were alive. As he ordered some soldiers to carry them to the infirmary he found the source of that stray cannon ball, a single  
pirate ship with an unknown flag. He quickly became smoke again and moved to that ship, when he put his feet in the deck he heard Tashigi's distant voice ordering his men to shoot and realized he wasn't wearing any shoes. With his jutte in his hand he rushed to take control of that ship as he avoided to be hit by his own men, he wasn't surprised when he noticed that nobody in that ship was a haki user, there was a zoan devil fruit user but, since an ostrich wasn't really a fighting animal, he managed to push the man to the sea and kept on fighting.

Quickly he took care of the situation and captured the captain of the ship before it sunk, he actually was annoyed by the fact that his men overdid the shooting to the pirate ship. He returned to his ship carrying the pirate captain in his shoulder, as he landed his feet on his own deck he threw the man to the floor and faced Tashigi, he spoke in an anger filled voice:  
- Why in hell is that ship sinking? We need the pirates alive, Tashigi- he knew his voice sounded horribly angry, but he couldn't believe she allowed his men to sink a pirate ship without his permission in a territory so close the Marine HQ. She moved slowly to look at him in the eye, he noticed her arm was covered in blood.  
- We lost a man. - she said simply, tears running through her face. The blood in her arm wasn't hers, Smoker understood it wasn't revenge what made her sink that ship, but grieving. He stood motionless in front of her, and simply added:  
- Meet me in my office - as his men picked up the pirate captain and take him to the cells, he walked to his office in silence. His bare feet got wet as he stepped on the warm blood in his deck. A chill ran along his spine when he felt the wetness in his left foot, then his right foot, but he kept walking. He couldn't afford to feel, he just needed to get into his office, sit on his desk and wait for Tashigi. At the exact moment he sat on his chair Tashigi knocked the door.  
- Come in - he said. She entered the room and closed the door, as she walked to his desk he coud feel the wetness in his feet getting colder. - Just one man right? - he asked. She answered while resting her hand in shigure.  
- Yes, Sir - he wasn't looking at her, he turned around and found her motionless figure - and six wounded that got hit by pieces of the ship that exploded with the cannon ball.  
- Is that so...- he added, he couldn't handle his anger in that moment, he wanted to hit himself like he would hit any pirate that comes his way. - Tashigi - her name tasted bitter in his tongue now. All the warm feelings, her small back resting in his chest, her sleepy hands running along his body, were now memories. In this moment, he could only think of her as his subordinate, she knew this and she wanted to keep things this way, but in Smoker's eyes she looked like the living picture of pain. - I'm gonna need a report...- he looked at his bare feet- and my boots, so keep your window open, I'll be there in a minute.  
-Sir, I'll bring you your boots myself. - she answered in a dry voice, both of them were speaking while thinking about what happened. - and, I'll close my window. - her words were clear and Smoker could swear that he saw a tear running along her cheek, maybe he was wrong, but he didn't care. Every trace of their nights together, of their "marine love" were erased from his chest with her words, _"Is she blaming me...or us? I c-can't believe you Tashigi, do you need to do this now?"_ he simply said:  
- Do what you need to do. You're dismissed.  
She walked to the door, when she left Smoker lit two cigars and closed his eyes.  
_"She's not wrong you know"_  
_"It's not our fault, we need to sleep sometime..."_  
_"But not together, you're a heavy sleeper when you're with her"_  
_"Dammit, I can't just predict that a pirate ship will attack at..."- he looked at the time- "4 a.m., even if I was sleeping by myself it would taken me by surprise."_  
_"But you weren't alone. You were with her and she was with you"_  
This discussion with himself was interrupted when Tashigi pushed the door open, without knocking, and put his boots on the floor next to the door.  
-Sir, I'll be in the infirmary checking on the wounded for the report if you need me. - she closed the door, and his thoughts about her words stopped. He put his boots on and decided to spend the night checking on his men and repairing the whole in the hallway near his room, instead than writing the report of the attack.

For both of them it was an interesting night, they didn't see each other until 11 a.m. Tashigi was busy writing the report and helping the wounded in any way she could, while Smoker had spend 3 hours interrogating the pirate captain, and the rest of the night he helped to repair the whole in the hallway and contacting HQ to notify them about the situation of his crew and ship, so they would have emergency medical attention waiting for them.  
They would arrive HQ in six hours, he managed to navigate with just 5 crew mates, including Tashigi, and send the rest of his crew to rest. As he walked around the deck he found Tashigi sitting in her usual spot, he walked to her side and sat. He spoke like nothing happened in the whole night:  
-Is the report finished? - none of them were looking at the other.  
- It's in your office - she answered quickly, like she was trying to avoid something.  
- The six wounded? - he said casually.  
- Seven, they're seven now. They resting, one of them might need a surgery - both of them were speaking like they never met each other in the darkness of Smoker's room that night about 10 month ago. Smoker noticed this and decided to let her know that this wasn't the right way.  
- Am I the one to blame? - he said softly, surprising her.  
- Sir?  
- Tashigi, I was with you when this happened...- she looked at him through her glasses and shifted in her chair so she could whisper and only him would hear her.  
- I was with you, Sir. - Smoker approached her, and before she could move he took her hand in his, not caring about the fact that his crew might be watching them.  
- Did I force you to be with me? - he said, he was being childish but he couldn't help it. _"It's not your fault Tashigi"_  
- E-excuse me? - she said sounding almost scared.  
- Did I force you to sleep with me last night? - he added, his words were violent, he wasn't really thinking but he couldn't handle those words escaping his mouth.  
- No. - she said - but, this all happened when I was with you.  
- I see.  
Silence.  
The conversation was so quick and rushed that none of them thought about the words they were saying. Smoker let her hand go and simply said:  
- We're arriving HQ in six hours, I need the pirate captain to be in conditions for another interrogation - he looked at her in a cold manner.  
- Yes Sir. - She stood up and walked along the deck. Smoker didn't say anything about her heavy breathing or her tearful eyes, just like her didn't said anything about his hand squeezing hers.

He remained alone, sitting in his deck for half an hour. All he could do in that time was thinking about her, about how right she was, and how he ignored his guilt in the whole situation. About how he nearly crushed her hand in his just a moment ago. _"She was right"_ he thought to himself, as he remembered her tiny body being trapped by him, the last morning he woke up next to her just to make love quickly and roughly, her small hands reaching his neck while she mumbled soft curses in a half sleep voice _"But that just, just can't be wrong"_ he was blinded why his loneliness when he decided to take her in his bed for the first time, now he was blinded by the images of her company. Being as confused as he was, the best thing he could do was not to think and let it go.

As soon as they docked at Marine HQ Tashigi took her of the wounded and Smoker walked straight to Kuzan's office just to found it empty _"Dammit, why now"_ he needed to talk to him about a lot of things, one of them was "something else".

* * *

Hi!

I wanted to tell you this :

"Something else" is a reference to Nightmare (previous story)

Also

I said this was going to be a oneshot, but a second chapter is coming, I know this one is angsty, but I figured out that being marines they wouldn't have a cute puppy love, but a real life half-love.

Like always reviews and recommendations are appreciated!

BTW:

I wrote this (and Dream About Me and Nightmare) while listening to some inspirational music, so I feel like some songs might help you to get what I'm trying to show in Smoker's feelings, so here are some cool songs if you want to go to youtube

Auf Achse - Franz Ferdinand

How soon is Now - The Smiths

Another Love - Tom Odell

Strangers in the night - Interpol

Hands away - Interpol

Where is my mind - the Pixies

Broken - Jake Bugg

That's all, sorry for taking so long!


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